It's true, I can't wait!
Three more sleeps and then I get the pleasure of driving to the airport outside Halifax and picking J up after a long day of flights. It's been murder being apart from Him, especially since my life has slowly been falling into pieces. I've been depressed, unemployed, and not looking after myself - it finally caught up to me last night.
It's a vicious circle, as I'm sure anybody who has experience with depression can tell you. In addition to my major depressive disorder, I also am being treated for hypothyroidism which exacerbates the symptoms of depression. My sleep pattern is completely fucked up right now, and my thyroid problem still isn't under control.
Essentially what happens is that I start to get down and sad, and I don't want to eat or look after myself. I become careless with my medication, which is probably one of the worst things I could do, which leads to me feeling even worse. I don't know how many days I went without my anti-depressants and my thyroid meds, but I got hit hard last night with the withdrawal symptoms.
I was lying on the couch watching my roommate play video games when I felt this hot flash course through me. I took off my slippers and removed the blanket I had been cuddling up under, but I was still SO hot. Then I start to feel light headed and confused, and sick to my stomach. It all hit me so fast, I wasn't sure what was happening, but I felt like SHIT.
I stood up and walked slowly and carefully to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. My head was swimming, I felt like I was going to throw up, but the worst part was the confusion. Not understanding what is happening, your thoughts fade away before you can grasp them, and any executive thinking functions completely cease.
I was supposed to attend my first rope seminar last night, but I wasn't able to leave my room for hours after I fell into bed. I called J to tell Him what was going on, but I had trouble keeping the flow of conversation going, my mind was operating like a pinball machine.
J was actually really surprised about my sleep schedule problems because every night I spent with Him I slept like a baby. Perhaps our sleep rituals had a lot to do with that. I would open the patio door a crack to cool down the bedroom, fold or hang up J's clothes, and turn down the bedding. J would lock me to the bed before lights out and we would cuddle close together. I find the heat from His body and His masculine smell very comforting, especially paired with His strong arms holding me close. Just His presence is enough to calm me down and settle the screaming anxious thoughts in my mind.
I'm still recovering from my thyroid med meltdown - my thoughts are all jumbled and I feel like that is being reflected in my writing. Multiply this haphazardness by about 100 and you'll have an idea of how fucked up I was last night.
But I digress, (imagine that!) 3 more sleeps!
Things are looking up, I had 2 very promising job interviews in the last 2 days and I am awake during the day. I took my pills today, had breakfast AND lunch, tweeted a bit, wrote a blog entry, got some emailing and phone calls knocked off my list, and it's not even 5pm yet! That is a very productive day for me, J will be very pleased I think.
That being said, I may lie down for a nap now - I'm feeling very wiped. I can't wait to get back onto a schedule when J returns home. That and all the kinky sex...
I am also excited to experience the cliche airport pick-up - lol.
I'll keep you posted, Peeps!
xoxoxox,
Axle
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